Saturday, December 31, 2016

I'll keep it here.

Life is not always turn out to be as what we wanted. I prayed hard to be someone's special though he rejected me so MANY TIMES since few years ago. My rebellious heart never stopped to hate him for what he had started. I never lived peacefully since the day he dumbed me with a silly excuse. I lived a bitter life then. I never believe in love anymore.

A few approached. I let them down for I don't want to get hurt anymore. Then, i stumbled upon this saying, "The first to forgive is the strongest and the first to forget is the happiest."
It's never easy peeps. You know why? Because the decision to forget never came honestly from my heart. It was my mind. I was fooled. I never forget. I taught I have moved on but have not.

I gave up. Then, came a night. The most tiring night in my life. The night when my heart could no longer bare the stupidity of my own self. Yes, the stupid me. Before my eyes closed that night, I pray to the Almighty, the Creator of my heart. "O Allah, I don't want this anymore. Save me. I can't stand to live like this. You know what is in my heart. I beg for your mercy." Then I fell asleep.

To be continued maybe next year. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Sunday, June 12, 2016

What I Feel.

Selamat kembali jiwa yang sudah seakan mati.

Hmmm. It sounds easy. Isn't it?

I'm sorry kids. Teacher penat dengan ragam manusia yang mahukan macam2 untuk anak dorang tapi tak boleh nak terima apa yang cikgu dah buat untuk anak2 dorang. Teacher bosan. Sometimes I just wanna get myself out of this world. Ajar anak ketam berjalan lagi senang kot. At least mak pak ketam tak pandai nak complain2 bagai.

Dear Ummi,
I am a teacher today because of you. No matter what happen, I won't give up. I won't give up. Semoga pahala berduyun2 sampai kepada Ummi.

Dear kids,
I'm sorry I am not a good teacher but I will be. Someday.

Dear Allah,
The road is long, make me strong.

Till next time.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Lack of motivation.


| This is serious|

As always, too much works to do but yet still not making any move. As always, wasting times doing nothing important. As always, keep repeating the same chores. As always,  I feel like I am the laziest person in the world and sadly ended up sleeping with tasks unsettled. I am not as ambitious as other friends who always improving themselves towards better individuals. I lack of motivation. I feel like I need some, but I never seek for that. I am positive that I am included in "golongan orang-orang yang rugi.." Sad but true. Hahaha. Aku rasa tahap aku ni dah reached level kronik tak boleh nak sembuh lagi. hoho. Kidding :P

I cannot feel my future. I have no pictures of it at all. What will I be. How will I survive. Seriously, for this time being aku memang blur. I need help. Really.

Sometimes, I envy my friends who have officially finished their studies with flying colours.  Seriously, to compare with them, I am far away to reach their level. *malu* I am way too behind.. I know, Allah dah tetapkan rezeki masing-masing, tapi aku tak usaha. As mentioned before, I lack of motivation.

Final year ni memang ada sindrom insaf sedar diri ke? Ataupun memang kalo final year ni  hormone jadi tak tentu hala ke..kejap sedih, kejap down, kejap semangat gile, kejap give up, kejap blur. Whatever, I just wanna stress that until this moment, I lack of motivation . Do pray for me please :'(

#PrayforArifah hehehe

epadzz : : orang kalau dia rasa orang lain je yang salah, jujur nak cakap ego dia memang tinggi mencakar langit.. Berat lidah mau minta maaf. Bukan jadi kecik pon kalo minta maaf. Seriously, you love Allah to forgive you yet you find it very difficult to forgive other people?? I don't need your forgiveness , cos I already gave mine to you, brah!

Monday, July 7, 2014

As a Trainee Teacher #2


Today is  my first day at school for my internship. What is actually internship? Went to school without knowing the fact about 'internship'. What a mistake! All I know about internship is "the act of dealing with people". Am I right? What if I left. Oh man, who get my joke. Never mind..... -.-"

Have so much tasks to do during this internship and now I am having brain freeze because of those tasks. What to do. My lecturer is very dedicated to give such extra tasks during my internship. I am not babbling, I just feel like sharing..hahaha.. Lah sangat kan.

It sokay. Ni kan last year. Last semester lg. Like it or not terpaksalah. Kalau ko nak grad you better do your best. Even pointer ko dah macam ape kan. Redha. Redha. Your fate is already written up there. Don;t worry. What;s for you wont pass you by kannnn..

Oh Okayyy guys.. Happy fasting. Selamat beribadat juga dalam bulan Ramadan yang mulia ni k!'

really can't wait for you to come into my life...even in my dream.
hahaha.. kbai!

epadzz: : i am officially bonda to addin habib... xoxo addin..

Sunday, June 29, 2014

As a Trainee Teacher....


It has been a while since the last entry. I am here now to some sort share my experiences during my practical last semester. I am actually preparing myself for the internship in not more than a week time from now. Last practical was the best practical I ever experienced in my life. I love the school, the administrators, teachers, students even the staffs there. Yeah, sekolah kampung, parents there are also nice and kind towards me and other trainee teachers. I love waking up early in the morning to just go to the school. What a routine! However, it really wasn't a matter to me. [for now]

Huh! It sounds good right? I am not that good actually but I really enjoy teaching. I didn't know since when I've got that spirit for the in the beginning it was not my choice. Hehehe. I learnt how to redha. Perhaps, Allah has opened my heart.

Will continue my writing...
Happy breaking fast...