Lately, I could feel that my heart is not beating to its normal beats. I could feel that I'd lost something that I could not figure out what it was. I was afraid of something that I really didn't know what the reason was. I often cried at night before going to bed. I, absolutely had no idea for what had happened to myself.
Last week...[kind of flashback scene]
My mum had asked me this question, out of blue at the majlis aqiqah for my niece..
"Where's your friends. Did you invite them to come?"
I know which friends did she refer to. I had no excuse to give. "They are no longer my friends" (my heart screamed but surely nobody heard it) . Lastly I said to my mum.. " I did invite one of them." (hoping that he would invite the other friends to come. But, it seemed he didn't make it, or maybe he just ignored that worthless message.) "They are busy, maybe". "This is the second day of hari raya korban. They definitely busy with their family and relatives". I gave a big smile then went away quickly.
I, actually am not sure whether we are still friends or can't I just say, we are strangers with some memories? I really miss the old times. I really miss the old them. I really miss the jokes and everything about our friendship [not long time ago]. It is like they just disappeared.
Did I make mistakes?
Why they stayed away fromme?
I never have answers for those questions asked truly from my heart.
It was beautiful how we started this friendship not long time ago. How sad to just ignore everything and pretend that I am okay with this current situation which takes me to accept that everyone has had their own lives. But, it is a reality needs to be accepted. People come and go. But the memories of certain beloved friends will remain forever.
I will always pray for your happiness,dear friends:). If you need me, let me know, I'll be there, InsyaAllah. That is what a friend supposed to do.
epadzz: : hilang sahabat, perit juga rasanya. aduh!